grey morning musings

In order to be really, really good at what I do (and although I am looking at this from a work perspective, I think it applies to all aspects of my self and life) I need to dig around and embrace those Libras that make up half my chart. Learn to use them to balance out all the driving, bossy, burning too bright and fast Aries, to scrape the broken Pisces ego off the cement and continue to focus on the fun loving Leo that is dynamic on stage and great with people. I made it all work last night, I want to be able to pull that magic out whenever I need it.

I am sore and exhausted from dancing for hours but the feeling of my muscles burning and my toes crunching is reassuring that I'm still alive -- I can push my body to extremes and feel/look so good doing it. I'm proud of last night, proud of where my summer vacation took me since March… the people I've met and friends I've made are treasures that I want to keep polished, not watch collect dust on my shelf.

The way sweat flies off ladies' gyrating bodies on a pool table with a slippery plywood cover, the way my own sweat pools above my lip and on my forehead and the feel of towering above the floor, like I was made to have seven inch spikes attached to my soles. The way that good music spins my torso and I don't have to think about dancing, the movement, it just comes into me. Someone exclaimed that I was barely wearing anything and I replied that this is when I feel most comfortable. My skin is my armor, pounds of makeup my shield, shoes as weapons. I have nothing to hide if there ain't nothing to hide behind. Then again, it is a mask of performance though the smile I wear is true, the high from it is real, the after hours elation stays with me for days.

I awoke from very vivid dreams. I rarely am blessed to remember my dreams. Boss says that everyone in your dream is a representation of yourself, some part of yourself. It felt like community meeting, wednesdays, 3pm, but it was so touching, involving characters from my current life and scenarios from my current thoughts. I had an ice cream cone. It was delicious just like out of MacGregor. There was a banana. There were lots of spreadsheets and diagrams that I saw with clarity. Colorful. There was drama and arguing. There was community. I can only imagine what those meetings must be like now. Thankful to not be a part of that world anymore.

I moved yesterday. To oakland, to my own apartment. It's very cute, just what I was looking for. It will still be a week before I've fully transitioned to east bay living but I am excited.